Way overdue updates

Awww, it has been a couple of weeks sense I have been on here and I am so terrible sorry! It seems like when I feel well enough to get on here on update something else is going on. So here I am with so much to update that I'm likely to be warn out at the end of this =)
Well 2 weeks ago I came down with a bladder infection, oh boy, the doctors had told me that it was a possibility and if it happened it was crucial to get to the dr, I being a pro at bladder infections thought nothing of it! Let me tell you what it was not even the same as what I was use too. It wiped me out, it literally took my progress and slammed me down, I couldn't hardly even bring myself to get up, I wasn't eating, drinking, nothing thus being why I didn't blog that week. I went to the dr and they weren't to pleased I had waited but they were pleased to see my weight at 439 making progress in the right direction! So they started me up on antibiotics and I'm doing better not done with em yet but feeling better!
I have had the wonderful opportunity here lately of being able to discuss weight loss and the hardship of it with a couple of people that are battling with there weight, its interesting that I feel like I might be able to help them, for the first time I feel like I can help someone instead of "join in on there pity party" us heavy people can have the best pity parties trust me. I have enjoyed talking and even offering things that actually worked for me as I started this before surgery, the last thing I ever want is for people to look at me and think I have so much room to talk I had to have surgery to loose weight so I don't know. The thing is I STILL know just because of the surgery it did not take away my desire to over eat, it did not take away the ABILITY to over eat! It did not take away my addiction. I over eat at least once every other day, I get terribly sick I dry heave and dry heave then I have to lay down for a couple of hours because the pain is awful. So what does that say? Yes I had weight loss surgery did it give me a "freebie" I was wishing I won't lie, but no. So do I still have to struggle you betcha! So do I still understand always! I will put food in my mouth and now sense the surgery I can feel it go into my stomach and I can feel it begin to back up as I over eat the feeling is awful yet I do it. So there are days I choose to drink water all day and my protein shakes because I get so angry with myself that I can't stop eating that if I just stay away from the food it will be easier, doesn't stop me from peeking in that fridge or day dreaming about food! It's all pretty sick I know, makes me cry as I type it and think about my addiction, and how so many others have it and they believe there doomed because really it is the hardest addiction you can't just quit cold turkey. My oldest daughter has picked up on my bad eating habits a couple of years ago, it scares me so much. I prayed this would be a wake up call for her but it hasn't been, she does just like her momma did she talks of being skinny and dieting and makes jokes about her fat, and keeps right on eating! She came and saw me after surgery it effected her tremendously but not enough to change, and then I'm forced to think would it of changed me, would it of been that easy like a switch? I don't think so it's to hard, but I would like to think it would of increased my drive some, but I don't know, I was on the other end. My mother told me that when Mercedes came in to see my after surgery I opened my eyes enough to look at her and beg her with tears in my eyes to please not end up like this, to let Gods love be enough for you that you don't have to find it in food.
Aren't those such true words but so easier said then done. So this ..... is where I am emotionally.
Physically still have a wound open that Dan is packing twice a day and its looking good but I'm sure tired of it, go back to the dr tomorrow for another check up and I will update my weight and any changes I promise =)
So here is another day that God has blessed me with and I continue to grow and struggle! We love you and thank you all! xoxo